Youth Ministry Booster
Welcome to the Youth Ministry Booster podcast! The most honest and hilarious podcast in student ministry. Hosted by Zac Workun and Chad Higgins. We are the biggest fans of youth ministry leaders like you!
We are here for you with the humor and the help to engage, entertain, equip, and encourage.
Youth ministry is better together. Learn more @ http://www.youthministrybooster.com
Youth Ministry Booster
Putting the Youth in Youth Ministry with Shelby Millis on Team-leading and Self-Care
The real secret to youth ministry?
This week we are joined by special guest Shelby Millis!
From her calling in seventh grade to her current role as a youth director at Asbury Church, Shelby’s journey is filled with inspiration and practical wisdom. She also shares her summer of self-care, including her beloved porch swing bed and weekly pool Fridays, underscoring the need for rejuvenation and mental well-being in ministry. Learn why testing one’s calling and having the support of mentors is crucial for a thriving youth ministry experience.
Witness the remarkable impact of a student leadership team in shaping high school ministry. Through a structured application and interview process, students are groomed for real-world responsibilities, fostering a sense of ownership and accountability. Shelby and I share some hilarious anecdotes about the creative activities planned by the students, emphasizing the significance of open communication channels. By giving students a platform to voice their opinions and take charge, we enhance their leadership skills and enrich the overall youth group experience.
Explore the nuances of youth identity formation in the digital age and the challenges of engaging high school students. We delve into the complexities of social media’s influence and the importance of rooting students' identities in faith. Discover our insights on adapting ministry activities, like late-night worship sessions and casual community events, to create a more inclusive environment.
Plus, we highlight the essential role of self-care for ministry leaders, sharing personal journeys of seeking mental health support and building healthy ministry relationships. Tune in for a wealth of knowledge on fostering both personal and community growth in youth ministry.
snap and we're back with another episode of the youth ministry booster podcast. My name is zach, working hang out in the garage with my friend shelby what up, what's? Up. Yes, we're still on Chad vacay, so Chad's out busy traveling doing so. This is our special series of guests on the Youth Ministry Booster podcast, and this is my dear friend and I'm like a neighbor like down the road. Yeah, right here this is Shelby Millis from Asbury here in Tulsa hanging out.
Speaker 2:So hi friend, how are you? Hey, hi, I, hi, I'm so excited. This is awesome.
Speaker 1:This is so fun because I feel like we are coffee shop buddies, youth ministry buddies, but this is like now, official, it's like podcast friends and we've got some fun things that we want to talk about and jump into. But we'll get into the questions. I want to know how's your summer going? How are you making the most of summer 2024?
Speaker 2:Yeah, summer's been great, as always in the youth ministry world, summer is the mix of things slow down and yet speed up.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:At the same time and the schedule is never the same. Yes, so this summer.
Speaker 1:Every week's a new week. I mean, who knows, you could be at camp one week or you could be solving a crisis the next, exactly, yeah.
Speaker 2:Our students are scattered to the wind and we just see them when we see them.
Speaker 1:But my summer has been great. I've loved it. I've made it the summer of self-care.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, it's been awesome.
Speaker 1:My husband built me a big old porch swing bed like twin size, yes, okay, yeah, so I've been chilling there, so not porch sitting porch like swinging oh yeah, full on, like laid out yeah, like napping, like I will take a full on nap out there outdoor naps.
Speaker 2:I'm here for an outdoor nap okay, and every friday has has been pool Friday at the neighborhood pool for me, so working on the tan.
Speaker 1:Okay, is pool Friday like no phone Friday? Is that like a phone-free zone Sometimes? Or is that like a do not disturb kind of thing?
Speaker 2:It's just I like text my friends and I'm like, hey, I'll be at the pool from this time to this time. Come Be there, okay or not?
Speaker 1:okay, I'm going, no matter what little standing invite if people want to come. This is where you find me, okay, well, you know, that's, that's good. I, uh, I wish man, I wish. The pool would be nice to have nearby. That would be especially oklahoma heat. I don't know where y'all are listening from, but oklahoma heat these last few weeks has been, it's been too much. It's been bad it's been too much the humidity plus the heat I mean it feels like a swimming pool outside today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like Like the air tastes bad, Like literally like I felt bad, Like you're like greeted the door and I was like, oh, I'm so sorry You're like, no, it's fine, it's, but it's like it's yeah it's warm and like you go outside. Yeah, you go outside for two seconds and you're like okay, Do we bring extra changes of clothes for the middle of the workday? That's what all those extra Youth Ministry.
Speaker 2:camp t-shirts are for Exactly.
Speaker 1:Just four of one.
Speaker 2:roll it through yeah that's all I wear, and I just have multiple in my bag.
Speaker 1:Love it. Love it. Well, shelby, I want you to get to know our folks a little bit better. Tell us a little bit. Youth Ministry is such a strange kind of thing and an odd kind of profession, and you've been doing this for a while now. So, like, tell us how you got involved in it. Like it's always like the really interesting story for folks is, like, of all the things you could be doing, here we are, you're doing the thing. How did you wind up doing all this?
Speaker 2:yeah, so my story honestly like goes way back. I grew up in church my whole life and grew up in an awesome church Shout out to my Carbondale assembly people Like love it and was in seventh grade and out of nowhere, random worship night just felt like I think I'm supposed to be a youth pastor. Oh, okay, I mean like a slap in the face.
Speaker 1:never had had a moment like that with the Lord and like little seventh grade me was like no that's gotta be wrong that with the Lord and like little seventh grade me was like no, that's gotta be wrong.
Speaker 2:Divine calling in middle school. Yeah, on par for youth ministry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I really was. I was like that's gotta be wrong. And so I told my youth pastor and he's like no, like that's it, that's what you're supposed to do. Like, okay, I don't know what that looks like. I love the pastoral assurance.
Speaker 1:Like no, sounds great. Yeah, you should do that. I'm like well.
Speaker 2:I don't even know what that means. You're just going to be a youth pastor. I'm like okay, and just kept on keeping on like all right, I'm just going to figure this out as I go and was super blessed with a youth pastor who pretty much never told me no Like if I wanted to lead a Devo at camp or, you know, give a mini sermon.
Speaker 1:He'd be like, okay, do it, go for it. Every opportunity I had he was there for yeah, and that was a blessing. Well, and that's such a I think an important piece of youth ministry is the chance to figure that stuff out, like it's not just the chance to respond to the call but to like test the call.
Speaker 2:I think in some ways, yeah yeah, so I just kept on that track, figuring out as I go, went to ORU for ministry and leadership, graduated from there and started work at Asbury Church literally two days later. Yeah that's right. No breaks, no days off.
Speaker 1:Well, here's the thing If you're in youth ministry, it's a minister's market right now. If you are looking for an opportunity. I can't promise you'll find you a great church Right, but we will find you a church opportunity.
Speaker 2:I can't promise you find you a great church, but we will find you a church For sure. No, for sure, and like literally, I started work. They're like hey, can you start tomorrow, like the day after graduation.
Speaker 1:I'm like we'd love to have you start Sunday.
Speaker 2:And I'm just like uh, I have a graduation party that my mom's kind of planned. I probably should be there for that. So I started two days later.
Speaker 1:I love that you were like probably getting invited to like future students graduation parties as you were doing your own graduation party for sure. Perfect, that makes sense, for sure was.
Speaker 2:And I've just been at asbury ever since six years love it and started in the middle school role there as a middle school associate and later transitioned into a director role yeah and that's been it that's all I that's. I've lived that life the whole time, love it.
Speaker 1:Well, okay, so one of the things that we talk about a lot in ministry is especially the six year mark.
Speaker 1:And we got to know each other a couple of years ago working on some projects together. But there is that like initial rush of like oh my gosh, what am I doing? Into the like for some folks, year three, year four, maybe I shouldn't be doing this, but something happens in like year five, six or seven, where you've done it long enough that you've kind of seen it. Some of the discipline things or the weird curiosities of adolescence things like those things have like floated in and out Like what is something now like year six, moving a, seven, eight, nine? Like what are you doing differently now than maybe you did the first couple years?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, so I started that first year year two-ish, I was still in seminary, so I went straight into my master's for my undergrad, so I was working full-time in the industry doing seminary full-time at breakneck speeds, and I just was either working or doing school.
Speaker 2:I had, like, I was dating my husband at the time, so we were also dating in the midst of that, but he definitely did not get the majority of my time. Um, but I just worked a ton, which was great. I was hyped. I mean, I'd been waiting for this since seventh grade and I was finally in the middle of it. I'm like this is the best thing ever. I just I want to do my job and do it well, which was great, but I was tired two years in.
Speaker 1:Just doing it on empty, just a hundred percent running on empty.
Speaker 2:No boundaries. No, like I would do anything any night, any day, If I got done with homework at nine and still was like I could write my sermon right now. Okay, I'll do that, Just stay at it. Yeah, which was awesome, it was a cool season, but I was tired two years in, and so now, on the flip side, not the best. I still tend to be a workaholic that's my temptation but I set pretty good boundaries now.
Speaker 1:Like.
Speaker 2:Fridays are my day at home alone, like it's been pool Friday.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, um a shout out to pool Friday. Highly recommend hashtag pool Fridays yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Pool Fridays, but Saturday is really. I've become very disciplined, like that is Sabbath.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Like, saturday is my day of. It's the only day off my husband and I have. That's the same.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So if I can get all even like chores at home or random things done around the house on Friday, Saturday is us time.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:That is quality time and I don't work at all. I turn the out of office on and nothing happens. Oh, I love that.
Speaker 1:Well, ok, so let's, let's put a pin and come back to that a little bit Because. I do think that's one of the things for some of our friends in ministry, especially as a hard-earned lesson, is that sometimes the day off from work and the day that we Sabbath but also try to be present with our family gets smushed into one day and that isn't necessarily healthy for everybody or whatever.
Speaker 1:And so tell me a little bit, like what are some things Sabbath wise for for you and your husband? Like how do you make that not just a day of no work but, like you could use the phrase, true Sabbath? So how do you like make that true Sabbath?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so for us, like I said, if I can get any of even my like home responsibilities done on Friday, I want to get that done so I can just focus on him and he gets up before me.
Speaker 1:House life appointments. Whatever, I try to do it on Fridays if at all possible.
Speaker 2:And even Saturdays for us, of course we have family, we have friends and people want to hang out on the weekends and we'll say yes to some of those things. But if it's become like, hey, we've hung out with family friends whoever three. Hey, we've hung out with family friends, whoever three saturdays out of the month, yeah, we might need to say no to something. If it comes up like we look at our calendar pretty hard and say we really haven't had a true saturday quality time that's just ours, like during the fall, that means, honestly, football all day long together on the couch, like that is what we do, that is your joint activity together.
Speaker 1:That is a shared time.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that is us from you know the kickoff in the morning early games. It doesn't care who's playing, we are watching.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And that's just our quality time, so we might even say no to good things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like good hangout times, but we just prioritize us yeah hangout times, but we just prioritize us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so again I it's such, it's such an important thing that often, like because ministry is never done, no, and I think that's one of the things that's really hard to tell someone who is super charged up is, well, it's so important. Why wouldn't I always do all that I could? Yeah, but there's always more to do so well and like for me. I'm trying to stay in it Like it's been six years, and sometimes that six years, that six years feels like 60 some days and but I want to be in it.
Speaker 2:You know, 10 years from now, 20 years from now, and I've already like only at 28, almost 29 years old, I've seen good friends already leave ministry, already burn out, and I don't want that, and so I also don't want to burn out my family on ministry either.
Speaker 1:So setting the good boundaries now, when it's easier, yeah yeah, because the longer you take, the harder it will get, because those habits take form right. That's one of the things that I'm still trying to figure out. Is that how much like, like, like habits kind of always win, like, whatever, whatever like. If you get accustomed to do a certain thing, it will win out against your willpower.
Speaker 1:It's your default setting yeah, yes, you just default into it. Yeah, right or wrong. So, okay, friend, we want to know, people want to know, uh, what's working in your ministry right now? Like, what's something that you're like, man, this is it.
Speaker 2:We tried this, but it's this Like what is if there's secret sauce or if there's original recipe? What's the thing that's working right now in your ministry, right now for us? So this past year, our high school associate, blake. He launched our first official student leadership team.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And it's been great. I mean he took it so intentional of an application process. We had them interview with the two of us. Like we came in like dressed nice and expected them.
Speaker 1:Okay, we wanted to help them with their interview skills too. Like across the table. Yeah, like formally across the table.
Speaker 2:Excellent, we like raised the bar and we made it a thing like, hey, this is a big deal. This is important. This is a responsibility. This isn't just a title for you. We want to give you ownership, and we've learned a lot doing it.
Speaker 1:It's not just youth group like 3.0 or whatever. Yeah, it's not the cool kids club, it's not the social club.
Speaker 2:But it's been so cool to see, even just having a few meetings throughout the year, how much ownership they have then brought to Wednesdays to Sundays, the energy. They come to us with ideas for camp. Or, honestly, they've gotten real honest with us, like hey, that was good, but like maybe we don't do that again. Like they feel like comfortable enough telling us like hey, we loved it, but maybe let's make it even more fun. Or hey, what if we do this? And it's pushed us. I gotta say it has pushed our team because my default setting just because I'm a logistics, you know how is it actually going to work? Honestly, I tend to be the no person when someone comes with an idea and I have to fight it real hard and sometimes I'm like what if we did a three-day lock-in where we never leave the church?
Speaker 1:And I'm like no, no, no.
Speaker 2:But it's been good for me, even of like okay, tell me more.
Speaker 2:And we've taught them like they pitch us, like they will pitch us ideas, and I say, give me a plan, give me the logistics, how are we going to do it? And seeing that like excitement in them and again kind of the ownership that I felt, yeah, that I felt, you know, I was told nothing but, yes, go and do. And so trying to then instill that in them and them feeling the same ownership. It has grown me, but it's really like grown our youth group and they're running things.
Speaker 1:Well and again, like that is the chance in youth ministry to test this stuff out, to see, maybe not even just individually but collectively. There are so many conversations with youth ministry leaders where they're like man, like we want to do, like this one day thing, what should we call it? Ask your kids, ask your kids like, like they're turning to like their peers, but have your students turn to their peers. And again, it cultivates that relationship, especially if it becomes that trust circle, like I do. I do love it. You named, like it's. It's a little bit hard earned but probably worth it.
Speaker 2:Well, and it's funny too to hear like the things they enjoy, because you know we sit around our table and come up with ideas Like what if we did this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they're like wouldn't coffee be great? Yeah, we hate coffee.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're like don't do that or they'll be like you've got to do this game again and that was the worst game Right Ever. It's like no, we loved it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially if their faces were like not thrilled at the time and yet they were like that was their favorite thing. Yeah, like I'll never get over coming home from like a camp and ever being like man that one thing that we did was so fun. I was like y'all hated it while we did it, but that was the. Thing they talked about. And you can't know, unless you open up those communication channels to not just like what do y'all think, but have them sit down and really talk about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just hilarious. Like our example this past year at camp. We planned this absolutely. We knew it was gonna be a gross game for a high school late night. It was all like food-based games and it was meant to be kind of gross. We need to be gross. It was a thousand times grosser than we ever intended or expected. There may have been vomiting. I may have been gagging for most of it and we got done with it and in the midst they're like this is ridiculous. What are you guys thinking?
Speaker 1:and we're like we don't know either.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and we get done with him, like okay, well, we're never doing that again yeah we get back from camp and they're like guys next year. We already have ideas for how we can make that more disgusting. I was like I won't be able to be there if we make it more disgusting. But I was like you guys actually liked it. Three of you threw up Like yeah, that was the best part.
Speaker 1:That was the best part. Yeah, it was like, oh, dude. And then Delany threw up all over Tiffany and it was hilarious. Yeah, it was the funniest part of camp.
Speaker 2:Okay, then you have were some of the things like yeah, so fill us in shelby. Yeah, like what I would have thought would have been, should have been. The grossest part was actually tame we had. We gave them like 50 pieces of hubba bubba, like gum and had them chew it up gumball yeah and start like sculpting out of it. Okay, so the whole thing they their end goal was to make a sculpture or a rendering of one of us on our team out of this. These food concoctions, just yeah no, it was bad so that was the tame one we had.
Speaker 2:We were supposed to have pudding and it wouldn't set up, so we mixed basically liquefied chocolate pudding in with instant mashed potatoes together what happens when you do that it? Looks like mud. It's awful, and we put little accessories for their sculpture in there and they had to bob them out of there.
Speaker 2:Like with like no hands, bob, out of there. That smelled awful. And then the worst, which sounded like the best or the easiest, I guess. At one point we layered this table with basically every condiment you can imagine mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, syrup, chocolate sauce, everything big layer. And they had to designate one person on their team to push a pile of spaghetti noodles that we had cooked with their nose down the table for someone else to catch at the end.
Speaker 1:Does that have like a, like an official name?
Speaker 2:No it was just disgusting. Yeah, oh my gosh, someone else to catch at the end. Did that have like a official name? No, it was just disgusting.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, just dragging it across the table top.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's how they got the noodles for their sculpture, which, I gotta say, I usually at camp am wearing like double braids, because you know camp hair.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:They did some excellent braids with those noodles when they made a sculpture of me. I gotta say they looked better than some of my braids. They were on point, it was so gross it was. And then they're like sculpting Hubba Bubba chocolate muddy noodle braids Condiments. Yeah, and so they're just sculpting out of all of this with their hands. Yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, out of all of this with their hands. Yeah, it was great. Again, I could see that that would be Okay. So who won? Was it the unexpected winners or expected winners? We had Our kid triumph.
Speaker 2:We gave them bonus points if they did an imitation of us. Okay, and they did some great imitations. Two teams, I will say, who should have been the frontrunners by their sculpting skills lost.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, lost because of their attitude.
Speaker 2:I am big on attitude.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait big hustle, bad attitude, yeah, all right. Yeah, so they lost points.
Speaker 2:They probably had the best sculptures both of me and they were both pointing fingers like they copied us, they stole our noodles and I was like I'm sick of this. Amazing, you lost points.
Speaker 1:How does it make you feel to be sculpted out of gum mud noodle?
Speaker 2:Honestly, what's that?
Speaker 1:feeling like.
Speaker 2:I'm honored. I think it was probably a peak of my youth ministry experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And their imitations of me were also hilarious, because big things I say all the time. I end every sermon with like I love you guys. That's the biggest announcement of the day is I love you guys. So a lot of them were doing that. I love you, you know. And but also the things that I don't realize. I say all the time.
Speaker 1:Don't they spot it. They had me. They had me.
Speaker 2:Like I'm always, like my dude, my girl and little loves. I say little love and they were like little loves. I was like is that what I sound like.
Speaker 1:They're crying from vomiting and you're crying from like the cold wash of reality.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is me.
Speaker 1:This is me, this is how I talk. This is it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1:I love it Well, shelby, one of the things that we've talked about and part of just I mean Tulsa is such a unique community of youth ministry stuff and you've gotten to work with multiple folks on your team and across town different things but what are some of the things that like in ministry peer groups? Like what were the things that you would name? Are they fresh and different from five, six years ago? Are they evergreen? Like what are the things that are like the top of your list of?
Speaker 2:like this is the challenge of doing youth ministry really faithfully today. Yeah, I think this might be a all time thing, but I think it's only getting harder. All-time thing, but I think it's only getting harder. Our students have so many options of what I would call, like I like to say, labels of this is who I am, and other people can give me those labels. I can take on those labels about anything in life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean what I do, who I hang out with. You know who?
Speaker 1:I'm into who I want to be, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I feel like those labels used to be maybe this was just from like when I was a kid like I felt like easily removable, Like okay, I don't want to be sporty girl anymore, I want to be band girl. I don't know, you know, sporty spice.
Speaker 1:Band spice. Instead of Hot Topic, we go to Gap. We're good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:You know you could change around a lot and now I feel like those labels once they're stuck on our students they just stick.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so a big challenge for us is the challenge that church has been facing forever is how do we show them really who God sees them? What does God label them as? Who are they actually?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I tell them all the time of it's not about who I am, it's whose I am, yeah, and so I just feel like that fight is stronger than ever for us well, and I think in some ways it's twofold, because church in itself can be one more label one of many right I feel like that's a little bit of.
Speaker 1:Some of the struggle is that like like good christian girl or christian dude or church guy, like church boy, church church girl, or like one of the many because it, because it can feel like a competition of extracurriculars, like I'm in the band and I go to church or this and that and it is that like cluster of the two or three things that make me who I am am through like affinity or affiliation. But I think the other part is that like identity seems so pervasive online.
Speaker 2:Like there's not like.
Speaker 1:Even if you like moved schools, if you exist online, it's there. It's there literally reinventing yourself, or like I think that's why so many kids do the like fake instagram or like really lean into, like the gamer, tag, discord, reddit, what is? Because, it's a chance to like try out who you are without it being like really damaging or like containing and that's I don't know, like thoughts yeah, it's, it's.
Speaker 2:it feels impossible Like I feel for our students. I mean, obviously, like my heart breaks for our students all the time because I think they're living in a world that is so much harder to grow up in.
Speaker 2:And so for us it's just like reinforcing the same truths with a capital T over and over and over again and I don't know, basically saying listen, you don't need to feel the pressure to stick a label on yourself Like here's what God says, here's what scripture says, and, as Christianese as it is, that's all that matters, like we're talking about eternity. Focus on those things that are gonna last.
Speaker 2:And again you kind of mentioned, like the extracurriculars, there's this pressure, too, to just perform and do all the things yeah, yeah, and I think it's easy, maybe just for our students or I think, students everywhere that church becomes just another one of the extracurriculars on the schedule as well. Yeah, because they're busy yeah and not and not that any of those things are involved in are not good things, but it kind of just gets lost in the shuffle. You know, am I going to be a college basketball player, maybe, so I better be at every single extra practice.
Speaker 1:Thing that I can, you know, increase the chances Exactly.
Speaker 2:And it's hard and they feel that pressure.
Speaker 1:Well, you talked a little bit about the student leadership team being a big kind of like thing that's working right now. Has there been anything that y'all have like adjusted or changed either in like content or programming or scheduling for some of the challenges of busy and not letting church fall into like the one of many identifiers? How has that affected your team's work?
Speaker 2:So for us, one thing that our student leadership team has brought up and we're trying to figure out how it works because we want to make our stuff really easy for families too. We have families who have elementary, middle, high school and trying to get everyone to all the places, even within the church, is hard sometimes.
Speaker 1:Cutting across your campus from one end to the other could take a solid six minutes.
Speaker 2:Oh, for sure.
Speaker 1:Passing period at your church takes a minute.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly so. We want to make it easy. But a lot of our high schoolers especially and part of it is because they want quality time with each other is just the high school ministry, but also some of them have later practices and it's hard to get there on a Wednesday night specifically. So some of them are like can we do like late night worship?
Speaker 1:And they're calling like late night you know, like 9, 930, which I will say is late for me.
Speaker 2:I've heard it said that if you are, if you're 40, anything after nine requires a nap before. Oh listen, I will unashamedly tell you that I'm in bed most nights at 830.
Speaker 1:See, there you go, and I love it.
Speaker 2:But I'm not an early riser either, I'm a sleep person.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait just hold on. Wait, wait, wait. How's that? Yeah, just 830 to 830. It's great, you know, half on, half off, no, but for real that's like prime that sounds.
Speaker 2:If I'm left to my own devices, that's where it's at. But our students have asked like can we do occasional worship nights that go later, like, so maybe some of our friends who really are tied up can get there and not feel like they've missed anything, and just some extra quality time. So that's something we've been looking at as we look to revamp some of our Wednesday night midweek service yeah, and also we're trying to look at this kind of like an all church movement, but some events just for fun's sake.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you know and we do some throughout the year. But being really intentional doesn't have to be crazy, doesn't have to be wild, but just a simple like we're doing a volleyball night. There's no rhyme or reason, except we want to play volleyball. We're doing it, we like volleyball, yeah, just those drop-in events that, hey, maybe this kid does have a tournament this week and they didn't come to small groups or Wednesday night. But they know that we're going to be tailgating before the Jinx Union game on Friday and they can be there.
Speaker 2:Yep, stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Well, that's one of the things, and again, it's a mixed message. I know for some to hear but, small groups are really hard to get into if you aren't in the habit of being in the small group. Yeah, like I don't. Like I don't think folks realize how countercultural a in-person round table circle of chairs small groups is. Yeah, if you aren't already part of the group, like rolling up on that as someone who's never been a part of it or who's like way in and out on it.
Speaker 1:It's like it's a big ass. Oh yeah, it's yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's been a blessing to us. Like I will say, for us and our ministry, small groups has been probably the most consistent thing, we have done. We've been blessed with great volunteers.
Speaker 1:It keeps them there, holds them there.
Speaker 2:And for us, when we encourage a new student, I'm like listen, I know it's tough, like you said, to show up to that small group for the first time. Our small groups are always open.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm like just trust me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's your on-ramp.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're going to get to know that crew so well that Sundays at a bigger church are easier. You find your people Wednesdays. You're not going to want to whole crew is there and for us it's been one of the biggest blessings. But that first step with a small group it's tough, but we've found the blessings multiply.
Speaker 1:Is that something that you I know for your adult leaders or student leaders like how is that, is that part of some of their like conversations or training? Or like how do you help from the folks that you're that are already involved help make that first step easier? Is that a?
Speaker 2:big thing is we just say over and, over and over again to our students and our volunteer leaders all of our small groups are led by two volunteer adults. We have a ton, they're the best, and it's just saying hey, your group is always open, even if you've been together for the past seven years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, keeping that newcomer, mindset.
Speaker 2:Keep them like in mind. Be ready to welcome anybody. Don't make it a closed off click.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause it's not yeah.
Speaker 2:And see it as what the words I use is a tiny church.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like the church, doors are never shut to anyone. Anyone can walk in new on a Sunday morning at any point, and so for our small groups, that's your tiny church. Expect someone to walk in, expect someone to be new, and then welcome them just the same as you would to our church.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. Well, I think that framework of this isn't your small group but, this is a small representation of our church With a level of expectation is I don't know. I think for some folks like we, we've got we think about youth ministry more than our adult leaders do, unless we remind them. Yeah, yeah, and it's true, yeah, yeah. Okay, fred, what are some things you're still doing for you to grow? I mean, you've school, seminary, six years in it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How is Shelby still continuing to grow in your like depth leadership enjoyment, like you talked about? Maybe they had this summer being more about self-care, soul care, but like what are some of the things that you're like learning, reading, listening to?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I would say the past year. So going from year five to year six, that was a big flip year for me. Five years just felt like, okay, I made it this far and this is a milestone and I'm like, but I got to keep going Like it's not the peak, it's. You know, we're just still climbing and I've been a huge proponent to our students, to our families, just about mental health and about counseling, that counseling everyone should be in counseling. I think whether you're on the highest of mountaintops or the lowest lows, everyone needs counseling. Just tools in the tool belt.
Speaker 2:But I had really neglected that, honestly, and got to kind of taste. My own medicine Went through like what had really neglected that honestly and got to kind of taste my own medicine went through like what I'd call the five-year funk, honestly, and I just realized, my man, I need to talk, some talk to someone like outside of where I work, outside of my friends, someone who just knows me as me as an individual and got started with an excellent counselor. And I got to say the past year of being counseling anywhere from every three to six weeks of just someone else removed from the church, removed from my family, removed from my friends, who holds me accountable, who checks on me. That has been the biggest blessing for me, like at home, in ministry, in leadership, I mean someone who also loves the Lord and can check my spirit too and I'm like, hey, here's where I'm at, here's what's happening at work on our team, and she can look at me and go, yeah, that's you and I can go great, let's work on that, let's fix that.
Speaker 2:Honestly, that's been huge. I think we can all benefit from continued self-awareness. I'm not the same person I was when I started this job six years ago and sometimes I have to be reminded of that and I need to be pushed towards that. And counseling this past year has just been stellar for growth for me and you know that's on top of just my personal daily reading devotions, I don't know, it's just, I think, added more discipline in my life, more accountability in my life. That was very needed. That's been the biggest thing for me in the past year.
Speaker 1:Well, and it's really powerful to hear you say, because I think for some folks, when they hear counseling or therapy, it's like well, this is the thing I have to do, like every week for whatever, but this is a three to six week check in and this. This may not, this may not be every Monday for you. This may be a, you know you know it's it's, it's literally mental health and maybe a, a a.
Speaker 1:You know some people don't go to the dentist, though it's a bad example, but it's. It's often as it needs to be and it may not be like it may not be crisis or it may not be like so conditioned that it's all the time, but the, the hope, is exactly what you're sharing with tools. It's not just like I'm going to get it all said, but it may be some of the tools that have been helpful that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and for me too, like I feel a real burden of I don't need to be on all the time in ministry but I do need to be as healthy as possible for my students' sake. Like, how can I lead them somewhere where I am not already going? And so many of them like share struggles and share about their mental health and I'm like, well, here am I like also dealing with all the things right alongside you yeah trying to be the best I can be, you know for their sake and I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's just been good that's good.
Speaker 1:That's good. Well, and I think that's one of those. You said it. Uh, we'll say it again, for the people in the back, like your students, need the healthiest version of you, which is not to create extra stress or pressure but, if there are things in your life of sleep, how you you're caring for yourself, who you're talking to, who's holding you accountable. That ministry isn't just like effort and exertion of like what you can give, but it's I mean, it's a discipleship, it's modeling right.
Speaker 1:It's like and this is the way in which I'm taking my own self seriously. This is the way in which you know faith is not just like my job, but is a deep, deep matter to me, for sure. Okay, give us a little bit. What are some things that you would want? Younger men you have folks in your staff that are younger in ministry. What are some of the things that you hope to like Shelby, whiz in them too, without having them having to learn it the hard way?
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, that could be a book. That could be his own book. I just think one thing I wish I had known, like first starting out, is how important two groups of people are in like early ministry days. One is the parents of your students. Yes preach, yeah, and like I knew that.
Speaker 1:Why do we always forget about them in the beginning? Yeah, I had professors tell me that, like I knew that you know up here in the head it's like, of every three breakout sessions at a conference it's mentioned and yet yeah but for me, like I got to say, not only just getting to know the parents of my students, but they have been such a blessing to me, like a support and encouragement.
Speaker 2:I can call them, I can talk to them. You know now Asbury is a big place, I don't know all of them on that level, but how important it was to build relationship more than just like, hey, that's what kid you belong to, great, but really getting to know them when we need extra help. Who do I know that I can call up Just stuff like that. And I got to say in a bigger church like Asbury it's hard to feel like you belong, occasionally even on staff, like coming into a new place, a new church.
Speaker 2:Everybody's just performing their function, everybody's just doing their role, doing their job or whatever, and I was so blessed by, like parents in our ministry who were like, hey, I want to know you as a person, not just as my kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, youth pastor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I still have that.
Speaker 2:And you know, this past year has been crazy in my life, in our family's life. My husband and I suffered like losing our daughter and I got to say the people who showed up first, you know, outside of our families, was the parents of my students. I mean in droves and just knowing like I couldn't be physically with their kids at that point, and yet they're still showing up for me and still showing up for my husband and our family. That was huge and I wish six years ago I had realized how crucial those relationships would be for me, like they keep me going just as much as the students do. So the parents of our students and I would say, my team, like I wish I had known how important that team was going to be to me. I mean, and our team has changed a ton in six years.
Speaker 2:And I grew up smaller church with one youth pastor and that was normal and that's all I knew. And then I get hired at Asbury and they're like, hey, you're going to be one of four.
Speaker 1:Right, right, right. What will the other three do? Yeah, I mean kind of.
Speaker 2:I was like what are they there?
Speaker 1:for yeah, okay, and I've worked with incredible people.
Speaker 2:I've been blessed and there were seasons in that early time where I was like okay, we're just coworkers. And we are Just working alongside each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we work in the office next to each other Just making the donuts yeah.
Speaker 2:Then you build the relationships and those people have become my friends. Whether they're still on our team or on our team currently, they're still my friends, are still who I call Currently our team. They're a blessing. I love coming to work with the people I work with.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They make it fun.
Speaker 1:Okay, but what are some of the ways? Have there been things that you cause you're leading the team? Yeah, what are some of the ways in which maybe you're leading differently? Or I mean, it's one thing to take stock, especially you play enough camps together and have to like like live in community together. That will change you, but like what are some ways you're leading it differently now. So that was like kind of like recognition and awareness.
Speaker 2:I think for me it's been a balance of I'm a very task-oriented person, so, like my checklist is my love language and I can get really tied into like here's what we got to do this week. Here's what's coming up for camp. Did you meet your deadline? Did you do this? Have you ordered the buses? Do we have food for Wednesday night? And I can get in that mindset pretty easily. But really taking the time with each individual person that I'm responsible for leading and knowing what's going on in their life personally, you know, making time for us to have fun together.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know we example we just got a new switch for our student ministry coming soon. Yeah, so we had to.
Speaker 1:It was in the office first. I mean it was, it was, it was the office switch before it was the youth room switch.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm not gonna lie, like it showed up and we're like well, we got to make sure this works, make sure the projector works and everything.
Speaker 1:Played we basketball? I have not. Oh, I have not.
Speaker 2:Oh, we basketball is so fun, okay, so good, yeah, the next thing on the list, but we, we hung out, we spent a little time doing a little mario kart, yeah, and I'm horrible I say who's who's best in the office is it's oh, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get in trouble for this. I just watched one session okay I think it's jet right now okay, okay, but blake. Blake's a dog. Shout out for jet blake, hey, blake pick it up a notch bud, yeah, yeah you guys start throwing them heavies around yeah, it can't be worse than me, though.
Speaker 2:I'm horrible, I'm awful. But I would just say like it's very easy to get task oriented, details oriented, and then not be people oriented on a team, especially when you're leading, and so, knowing what my team is going through like, if they're having a hard time, that is going to affect what happens in the office. So we need to be aware, we need to encourage, we need to support and, again, I have been blessed by that.
Speaker 2:I've been blessed by an awesome team and when I'm can look at them and say, hey, I'm your leader, but I am going through it yeah I have been blessed by them to go okay, then we're going to pick it up and we're going to pick you up and we're just that's, we're going to be okay, that's. It's been huge. So I wish I had known back then how important the families, the parents and then the team that you work with whether that's a small staff, another person, a volunteer- crew like those people matter on a personal level.
Speaker 1:That's good, that's good Well, Shelby, thanks for coming by the garage today, dude, this is the best it's so good. So if folks want to stay connected with you, what are some ways which they can reach out, connect, learn, more hear what you're doing in ministry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, Follow me on Instagram. That's the best way. Millis underscore Lynn M-I-L-L-I-S.
Speaker 1:Wait, no Shelby at all, Right right.
Speaker 2:Well, okay, the back story. My maiden name was Hood, which was a cool maiden name.
Speaker 1:That's a great last name Hood is strong. Hood is strong, yeah.
Speaker 2:Hood is great Babe, if you're watching this Millis is great. I love being Mrs.
Speaker 1:Millis, it's lovely Right right, right, but Hood was great. Ms Hood, though, ms Hood, mrs Hood, this sounds strong yeah.
Speaker 2:So my Instagram handle used to be Hoodie Lynn. What do I do? I don't want to do anything. Okay, millis, underscore lynn, it is there it is but also like false it at Asbury students see what we're about yeah hang out, you get to see our goofy faces doing random stuff and playing gross games probably me gagging a lot of the time on those gross games oh, I'm gonna go process.
Speaker 1:Whatever a gum mud noodle sculpture is.
Speaker 2:I have pictures, I'll show you later. Oh snap, thank you.
